The Blame Shifting Associated with Narcissistic Abuse
by: Todd Doyle, International Author of Healing the Shattered: Surviving Narcissistic Abuse
Blame shifting is a form of psychological abuse in which the abuser deflects blame for their actions or behaviors onto the victim, making the victim feel responsible for the abuse. Blame shifting is often used by narcissistic individuals in the context of abusive relationships, as it allows the abuser to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and to deflect blame onto the victim.
During blame shifting, the abuser may manipulate the victim’s reality and make them doubt their own perceptions and thoughts. The abuser may also use tactics such as gaslighting, triangulation, and mind games to further manipulate the victim’s perceptions and to keep them off-balance.
Blame shifting can take many forms, including:
Deflecting blame onto the victim: The abuser may deflect blame onto the victim for their actions or behaviors, making the victim feel responsible for the abuse.
Denying responsibility: The abuser may deny responsibility for their actions, suggesting that the victim is overreacting or that the abuse is not a big deal.
Blaming external circumstances: The abuser may blame external circumstances, such as work or family issues, for their actions, suggesting that the victim is not the cause of the abuse.
The effects of blame shifting can be serious and long-lasting, including:
Low self-esteem and self-worth
Difficulty trusting your own perceptions and thoughts
Difficulty setting boundaries or asserting yourself
A constant need for approval and validation
Feeling isolated or disconnected from others
Difficulty making decisions
Depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues
If you suspect that you or someone you know is experiencing blame shifting in the context of a narcissistic abusive relationship, it is important to seek help and support. It is important to recognize that the abuse is not your fault and that you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. It is also important to seek help from a trusted friend or family member, a mental health professional, or a domestic violence resource center. Remember that no one deserves to be abused, and it is never too late to seek help and to break the cycle of abuse.
