DARVO Explained: Denial, Attack, and Reversing Victim and Offender

By Todd Doyle, author of Healing the Shattered: Surviving Narcissistic Abuse

DARVO is an acronym, Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender, describing a specific response pattern: when confronted about harmful behavior, the person denies it happened, attacks the person raising the concern, and reframes themselves as the real victim of the situation. The term was coined by psychologist Dr. Jennifer Freyd to describe a pattern she observed in cases of abuse and institutional betrayal.

What It Looks Like in Practice

Deny: “That never happened. I never said that.” Attack: “You’re the one with the problem. You’re always looking for something to be upset about.” Reverse Victim and Offender: “I can’t believe you’re attacking me like this after everything I do for you. You’re the one hurting me right now.”

Why It Is Effective

DARVO works by shifting the conversation away from the original concern entirely. By the end of the exchange, you may find yourself defending your own character or apologizing, with the original issue never actually addressed. Part of what makes it so disorienting is the speed; the shift from denial to attack to reversal can happen within a single sentence, leaving no real opening to return to the original point before the ground has already moved.

All Three Parts, Not Just One

Ordinary defensiveness, denying something or getting upset when confronted, isn’t automatically DARVO. What distinguishes the full pattern is the third step: not just denying or deflecting, but actively recasting the original accuser as the aggressor. If a conversation consistently ends with you comforting the person you raised a concern about, or apologizing for how you brought something up rather than discussing what you brought up, that reversal is the part worth paying closest attention to.

Recognizing It in the Moment

A useful signal: did the conversation start with a specific concern you raised, and end with you justifying yourself instead? That shift, not just the specific words used, is the pattern to notice.

What Can Help

Naming the pattern to yourself can help you return to the original concern, even if the conversation itself does not resolve. Writing down what you intended to raise, before a difficult conversation, can help you notice if it got derailed. It can also help to end a derailed conversation plainly: “We’ve moved away from what I actually wanted to talk about, I’m going to stop here,” rather than continuing to chase the original point through several more reversals. See Manipulation in Abusive Relationships: A Guide to Recognizing the Tactics for related tactics.

This article provides general education and a survivor’s perspective. It does not diagnose another person or replace individualized mental health care or safety planning.