Future Faking: When Promises Keep You Waiting Without Progress

By Todd Doyle, author of Healing the Shattered: Surviving Narcissistic Abuse

Future faking is a promise about the future, marriage, moving in together, a trip, a fresh start, that creates hope and buys time, without ever turning into an actual plan with real steps.

What It Sounds Like

“Once things settle down, we’ll…” “I promise we’ll get there.” “Just give it a little more time.” The promise is specific enough to create hope, vague enough to never require a concrete next step.

The Difference From a Real Plan

A real plan has a next step: a date, a conversation, an action both people take. “We’ll talk to a realtor next month” is a plan. “We’ll definitely get a place together eventually” is a promise with nothing underneath it.

Why It Works

Hope is a powerful reason to stay patient. As long as the promised future still feels possible, it can feel premature to raise concerns about the present. Future faking relies on that patience never running out.

A Way to Check

Look at promises made six months or a year ago. Did any of them turn into an actual, scheduled step? A pattern of promises with no accountable follow-through is worth noticing on its own, separate from how sincere any individual promise felt.

See The Narcissistic Abuse Cycle: Understanding the Model and Its Limits for how this can fit into a broader pattern.

This article provides general education and a survivor’s perspective. It does not diagnose another person or replace individualized mental health care or safety planning.