Digital Safety After Abuse: Accounts, Devices, and Location Sharing

Technology safety is one of the most frequently overlooked parts of separating from an abusive relationship, and also one of the easiest to get wrong by rushing. This article summarizes general guidance from the National Network to End Domestic Violence’s Safety Net Project, the leading technology-safety resource in this field, and points you to them directly for anything specific to your situation.

Where the Real Risk Usually Is

According to the Safety Net Project, most phone monitoring does not require sophisticated hacking. It usually requires physical access: someone who has looked through a phone regularly, knows the passcode, or has installed monitoring software (sometimes called stalkerware) directly onto the device. Location can also be shared more broadly than people realize, through built-in phone features, specific apps, and even photo metadata that can reveal where a picture was taken long after it’s posted.

Common Risk Areas

• Shared or linked accounts, including phone billing, cloud storage, streaming, and email accounts that may still have another person’s access, sometimes without an obvious notification that they’re connected
• Location sharing settings, both built into the phone’s operating system (like Find My iPhone or Google’s Find My Device) and inside individual apps that request location access separately
• Monitoring software installed directly on a device, which is not always obvious from normal use and can sometimes be disguised as a utility or battery app
• Old devices and SIM cards, since restoring data from a backup or reusing an old SIM can unintentionally reinstall monitoring software onto a new phone
• Shared smart-home and vehicle accounts, which are easy to overlook but can reveal when you’re home, when you leave, or where a car has traveled

Why Timing and Order of Operations Matter

This is the part that is easy to get wrong without guidance: if someone is actively monitoring your device, changing settings abruptly can alert them that you know, sometimes before you are ready for that. A sudden wave of blocked accounts or location-sharing changes can itself be a signal. This is exactly the kind of decision where a trained advocate’s input changes the right next step. The Safety Net Project’s own guidance is built around this, helping you sequence changes safely, often starting with the lowest-risk changes and saving anything that might be noticed for a point when you’re physically safer.

A Practical Starting Point

If you’re not sure where to begin, the Safety Net Project recommends starting with what’s actually documented and verifiable rather than guessing: check which accounts are genuinely shared (not just suspected), review location-sharing permissions app by app rather than assuming the phone’s main setting covers everything, and consider using a different, more secure device, like a library computer or a trusted friend’s phone, for anything sensitive you don’t want tied back to your own devices, such as researching shelters or talking to an advocate.

Where to Get Personalized Help

The Safety Net Project (techsafety.org) publishes detailed, regularly updated guides on cell phone safety planning, location tracking, and setting up a new device safely. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233, or text START to 88788) can also help you think through digital safety as part of a broader plan. See Safety Planning in an Abusive Relationship: Where to Begin for how the pieces fit together, and Documenting Abuse Safely if part of what you’re navigating involves saving evidence from a device without alerting anyone.