What to Ask a Lawyer About Separation, Housing, and Shared Finances

This is a list of questions worth bringing to a consultation, not a substitute for one. Family law varies significantly by state, and an actual attorney is the only one who can tell you how it applies to your situation.

Questions About Their Experience With Domestic Violence Cases

• How much experience do you have specifically with domestic violence cases, and which side have you represented?
• Will you go to court to pursue a protective order if needed, not just handle paperwork?
• What is your approach to mediation in cases involving domestic violence? (Standard mediation can put survivors at a disadvantage if the power imbalance isn’t accounted for.)
• Have you represented my partner, or anyone connected to them, in the past? (A conflict of interest question worth asking directly.)

Questions About Shared Finances

• How is debt accumulated during the relationship typically divided?
• Can you help me get a clear picture of our combined accounts, debts, and my partner’s income?
• If I’ve experienced financial restrictions during the relationship, does that affect how assets or debt are typically handled?
• What happens if my partner hides or moves assets once they know I’ve consulted a lawyer?

Questions About Housing

• Who has the right to stay in the home during separation, and does that depend on whose name is on the lease or mortgage?
• What are my options if I need to leave the home quickly?
• If children are involved, how does housing typically factor into custody discussions? (See also Child Custody Cases Involving a Narcissist.)
• Can a protective order address who stays in a shared home, separately from a divorce or separation filing?

What to Bring to the First Consultation

A little preparation can make the first meeting go further. Useful things to bring, if you have them: a rough timeline of the relationship and when things changed, any documentation you’ve already gathered safely, a list of shared accounts and major assets as best you understand them, and a clear sense of your most urgent concern right now, whether that’s housing, custody, or safety. You don’t need to have this organized perfectly. Even a messy list is more useful than trying to remember everything out loud in the moment.

Finding Low-Cost or Free Legal Help

Many areas have legal aid organizations and domestic violence legal advocacy programs that offer free or reduced-cost help specifically for survivors. WomensLaw.org maintains state-by-state directories of this kind of legal assistance, and a domestic violence advocate can often point you toward local resources as well. Start with the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233) if you’re not sure where to look first, or see Safety Planning in an Abusive Relationship: Where to Begin.